I want to be open as I can be about a season in my life that hit me in ways I didn’t foresee coming. I’m sure we all have been there and if you haven’t, I hope and pray your heart never has to endure it. It’s heartbreak- a painful experience, that unfortunately, many of us go through. Heart break I believe is always hard to take in, but this break up hurt me more than any other, well simply because everything was great- I couldn’t quite understand why we had to end the relationship between us.
I literally fought with God on countless occasions and questioned, “but why”. “Why did you allow this? Why didn’t you let me see this happen beforehand? Why couldn’t you just take the pain away in an instant and make things better already? Why can’t it work out the way I desired for it to be?” My analytical and wanting to-understand-why ways made it even harder to endure the season.
I held a tight grip onto the relationship, refusing to let my heart be detached. I fought with God over and over again. I wanted to take control of this area of my life. I then saw that I finally had to let go of the relationship and the desiring to fix things between us. It was intoxicating to continue to hold on to this because God wanted me to let go and follow his direction. Once I stopped having my pity party (mind you, pity parties don’t scare God), I saw the bigger picture. I finally got what God was telling me. Through the process God wanted me to know that I can find my reliance on Him alone. He sometimes takes away things that we relied on, to make us realize who we really need to depend on. I heard God speaking to me, “my beloved, I want the best for you, this isn’t my timing or what I want for you right now, let go and just trust.” I know God isn’t out there to ruin our lives, he has the very best set out for us in his due time.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
If that means letting go for the time being and maybe never getting those desires in return, then that’s fine. God is still God, he is still good, and he’s worthy of being trusted.
There’s many things I learned from this tough season. God showed me to be strong, to know that my confidence is found in him, and people shouldn’t dictate how I feel or how I view myself; to obey when God whispers “no, this isn’t for you right now." I learned through this difficult season that I need to trust in God’s goodness. He desires us to draw near to him, even if it’s through bringing a difficult season into our lives. It’s beautiful to know that God is strong in our weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Through this process, I saw that God’s love for me was more than I imagined. There’s a difference between acknowledging that God loves us and then living, breathing, and walking in the love he has for us.
To be completely honest, there are moments where it gets difficult. Yes, the season has gotten better, I finally let go, and found the strength and courage to move forward and seek all that God has for me. But it hasn’t always been that easy and it took me a while to finally get to the place that I’m at now. I want to add that if I just surrendered when I first heard God say “let go”, it would have made this whole process a lot easier. But that goes with learning and knowing his grace is enough. There are moments where I have to pray out to God to help me redirect my thoughts when they wander on to what could have been and former past regrets. Do I still desire those things God removed from my life? Yes, from time and time again, but it goes back to prayer and my redirection. I don’t try to control things as I once have, I know who’s in control and let Him direct my footsteps, while I let go of my own dreams and plans for my life.
Maybe heartbreak isn’t your tough season. It maybe not knowing where to go next with your life, accepting doors that are continuing to close, or maybe it’s having the strength to move forward.
Even when it hurts like hell, things don’t make sense, you’re not sure how you’re going to get through your situation, and you continue to wrestle with God, know that God is more for you than you can dream of, he’s willing to fight on your behalf when you’re tired of fighting, his strength is made perfect in your weakness.
If God is taking away what you find your strength and confidence in- something you rely on - be assured he will give in return and it’s always a lot better than what we imagined. Whether it’s peace, comfort, reassurance- maybe it’s not what you had in mind or maybe it is- in different timing. Just remember that his ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. We don’t have to fully understand every single detail, to trust the God that has us, is for us, and wants the best for us! The season might be a little tough or really tough, but continue to hold steadfast. Through perseverance, trust that God’s peace, freedom, and faithfulness comes through. Even through the pain, be transparent with Him because through that, I believe our eyes open to a new perspective. As I write this, I’m going through the process, but I find joy in a love that can’t compare to no other and being assured that He has the best set out for me- whatever that looks like. I’m getting through this and know you can too!
Keep fighting through the rough patches, the best is coming, keep believing, and be assured He has you!