Bianca VanWindt

Love On The Brain

Bianca VanWindt
Love On The Brain
"What do you want from me?
I tried to buy your pretty heart, but the price is too high. I’m fist fighting with fire
Just to get close to you.... Must be love on the brain. " // Rihanna 
Happy Valentines Day lovely ladies! I can't help but feel so many emotions today. I'm sure we're all in different places collectively. Some married, some dating, some single, some engaged. We all have different backgrounds, we're all in different seasons, but one thing is for sure today. LOVE is on the brain. You can't help but think about romance, and love on a day like today. For me, I think of how grateful I am to be getting married this year, because I know that we had to go through 3 breakups, a lot of tears, growth, and learning to get here.
I also can't help but appreciate the 19 years single I had on Valentines Day. I never had a boyfriend in highschool or college. I never had a homecoming date, or a prom date. I would always use the cover-up of "going out with friends" to those functions to mask the fact that I was harboring deep insecurities. The highschool I attended for the first 3 1/2 years was predominantly caucasian. I blamed me not getting asked out on dates and to dances on the fact that I had brown skin. I literally became bitter towards my own ethnicity, my hair, my weight.. because I figured that could be the only thing keeping me from a date.
Little did I know, 7 years later I would be engaged to the white boy of my dreams. LOL. All joking aside, I never intentionally set out to be in a relationship with someone caucasian, I just find it ironic that God has a way of eliminating doubtful thoughts from our minds by turning situations that used to cause us deep anguish around for our good.
I learned so much being single for so long. I learned that my brown skin is beautiful. I learned that my curves are beautiful. I learned that I would never weigh 140 lbs and that's okay. I stopped bending my knees around guys to be shorter. I fell in love with my 5'10 height and found someone TALLER. (He's out there ladies!) I fell madly, deeply, head over heels in love with Jesus, and to be quite honest, I fell in love with myself. I fell in love with the person I am and chose to forget all of the hurtful, racist, degrading comments that were thrown my way growing up. I embraced myself FULLY. 
It's been a freeing and liberating experience, but it is an ongoing, uphill battle that I am determined to fight, and win. I hope this Valentines Day you know that you are beautiful, with squinted Asian eyes, or big brown eyes. You're beautiful with dark, black skin, and pale, white skin. You're beautiful in your 240 lb body and you are absolutely stunning with your 100 lb body. Your nappy hair is the bomb (Gotta tell myself this when I can't get a comb through it hehe), and your pin straight, thin hair is AMAZING. Your small feet and the best, and your size 11 feet are gorgeous. 
YOU are perfect, and amazing, and special, and I cherish you. I cherish who YOU are. Someday, if he doesnt already, a man will cherish that as well. Until then, DO YOU. Love life, love the skin you're in. You got this babe.
Never forget you are a Daughter of DAY. A daughter of the Most High. God loves you unconditionally. I'm just here to remind you.
With love,
Bianca