When I was in elementary school until about the age of 16, I was afraid to eat in front of people. Growing up I was bullied about my body image, so most of this stemmed from a place of unhappiness and self consciousness. I thought if I skipped a couple meals a day, I could get some weight off, maybe lead others to believe that the reason why my body looked the way it did was not because of my eating habits. So I'd wait until I got home from wherever I was to savor a meal. Some days were alright, but most were pretty bad. I'd have hunger pangs during class and in front of my friends; they'd offer me food but I'd refuse and say, "I'm not hungry." I had headaches, my blood sugar would drop and I'd start shaking and feeling light headed. But at the time these symptoms were worth preventing any comments.
As silly at it sounds, I spent majority of my school years waiting for the right moment to eat. But the problem wasn't the food or the body weight, it was the mentality that lead me to wait.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7
Many of us have experienced a season of waiting. Whether it be waiting for a promotion, mourning to pass, or for the right moment to do something, we've all been to a place where we were waiting patiently for God to speak in the silence, flood in the desert, or bring prosperity in a time of poverty. However, many of us believe we are in a season of waiting because God placed us there, when in actuality we are waiting on ourselves.
When I was younger, I wouldn't eat because it was my choice not to. It was not because I couldn't afford it or felt sick, and it was not because I didn't have an option. I had what I needed right in front of me but decided to listen to the lies my mind was creating; to the plan the enemy had to destroy my physical health by of fear of rejection and disapproval. I made a conscious decision to wait on myself and my comfort to deal with the feelings I had. If we are not careful we can emulate this in our relationship with God.
When we choose to listen to deceptive thoughts we stunt our growth and wait until we've overcome to move forward. As we get older, it gets easier to listen to what other people have to say about us instead of identifying ourselves in who Christ has called us to be, especially as we begin our creative endeavors through college and graduation. In turn, many of us say we are in season of waiting when in reality we are afraid to move forward because of what someone said to us. Or maybe we have no idea where to go and aren't seeking the true definition of faith (Hebrews 11:1). Whatever the case may be, it's important that we do not mistake waiting on our insecurities for waiting on God.
Isaiah 40:31 says that those that
"wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
The difference between waiting on God and waiting on ourselves is our pride. Waiting on God brings renewed strength, peace, and identity compared to pride, insecurity, doubt, and fear.
I challenge you this week to reflect on your "waiting". What is stopping you from moving forward in your relationship with God? In your creative endeavors? What is stopping you from pursuing that career or challenging yourself? My hope is that you will feel encouraged and strengthened, that you will no longer allow your thoughts to move you into a place of complacency but be moved into the presence of God and wait patiently on Him.
Rebekah is the creator of Planted Inward, "a blog focused on curating the seeds we have planted throughout our lives through the creative process." She is an Orlando native, best known for her unique, soulful voice and gift of songwriting. She has released two singles, Sleepless Nights and Dust to Dust which can be found under the "music" tab of Planted Inward, and her first full-length project, Sleepless Nights is set to release Summer 2016!
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